Effortless Steps to Transformation

Transformation does not have to be a long, painstaking process. There are many shifts we can make with ease on a consistent basis. These small variations can add up to major changes in our thoughts, behaviors, and ultimate results. The important thing is to consciously make them a part of our everyday lives until they become automatic and effortless. Try these suggestions, and you’ll be transforming before you know it!

1. USE TRAVEL TIME FOR PERSONAL GROWTH.
Consistently absorb the thinking patterns of successful, happy people by listening to them while in your car. You can download motivational books and podcasts from ITunes and play them on your MP3 player or burn them to a CD. This doesn’t take up any extra time from your busy day and the long-term payoff is definitely worth it!

2. STRETCH YOURSELF.
Make it a practice to do something a little bit outside of your comfort zone each day. It doesn’t have to be anything exceptionally risky. It just has to challenge you on a personal level. By gradually stretching, you begin to develop a rock steady belief in yourself and your ability to handle a variety of situations.

3. TRY ON SOME NEW BEHAVIORS!
You are an expert at doing what you continually do. If what you are doing works for you, by all means, keep doing it. In the areas of your life that you want to transform, however, try on a variety of new behaviors. With the inquisitiveness of an investigative reporter, observe the results you get. Which behaviors do you want to maintain? Which do you want to eliminate? The choice is yours.

4. PRACTICE SETTING YOUR EGO ASIDE FOR SHORT PERIODS OF TIME.
When you can accept your own humanity with all its blessings and flaws, you no longer have to be perfect at everything you do. You can learn to value feedback from others as an opportunity to gain some information regarding the ways they might be experiencing you in any given moment. You can even begin to acknowledge the morsel of truth behind various criticisms without getting defensive.



Copyright 2008 by Holly Cox, L.C.P.C., C.D.C.

Feeling the Fear and Doing it Anyway!

Check out this article by John Halderman, and learn some great ways to deal with paralyzing fears.

Have you ever been overwhelmed with fear as you have faced doing something? We all have I think each at our own level, with some becoming physically immobilized by it. If your fear feelings overpower you to the point of inaction you have given fear the upper hand. I stated it this way on purpose, your fear is not doing anything to you, rather you are allowing the fear to affect you as it does - it is all within your thought. And you have command over your thought and feelings as well. Effectively handling fear can have a great positive impact on your personal growth and development and on your overall happiness in life.

When you get the fear feelings based on doubt, worry and uncertainty you choose to allow these thoughts to roil around in your head. You choose how you interpret them and how you react to them. A fearful thought does not come pre-packaged with a specific set of feelings and behavioral commands. Those too are of your choosing.

When you let yourself remain in the fear, you are choosing to have the fear guide your actions. It's a logical progression to react to the fear feelings based on how most of us have developed our perceptions around fear. But when you realize that you have created the whole cycle in your mind, you can begin to see that you have ultimate command over the whole cycle. You can change this existing cycle of perception, interpretation and reaction to one that is more supportive of the life you want.

Dr. Wayne Dyer is well known for saying that when you change the way you look at things, the way you look at things changes. He is referring to your perception, which may appear at first to be totally automatic but it's not. Well it is and it isn't! It is automatic as it functions now, but you have the ability to change it and have it automatically be different. Just because you now, as most do, react to worry, doubt and uncertainty with fear thoughts does not mean this is the only way or that it must be this way.

So how did your perceptions, interpretations and reactions get the way they are? And why does it seem that this is just the way they should be? Because you were taught these things by those you were around as you grew up. You took on the perceptions, interpretations and reactions of those who provided the greatest impression on you as you grew up. Your mind allows this, unless you consciously step in to stop it, because it seems normal in the environment you were in when young and highly impressionable. When most or all of the people you are around do it 'this way' there is no red flag raised in your thinking to question it, so you don't. Their way becomes your way.

This is how your behavior and that of groups, families and societies is formed and why it appears to be 'normal'. And the fact that many people behave in a certain way does not make it the best way, many times it is just the easiest way. It is easier to conform than to take a unique path. You don't have to remain stuck in the mode of allowing fear thoughts to control your actions. You have command of your thinking so you can change the whole cycle or mental chain of events that occurs with fear. Initially the thoughts of doubt, and some uncertainty are normal when you are facing something new, different or challenging but you don't need to let the heightened feelings well up and create this big fear thing that you then cater to.

You can change the way you look at doubt, worry and uncertainty. They are just certain thoughts questioning what you are about to do. "Am I prepared?" "What if ____?" "Maybe I won't remember?" "How will they react?" "How do I look?" These are mostly logical concerns about what you are about to do and if you can answer them logically, without emotion, you can clear them up and soothe your mind. Some you can specifically answer and check off the list and others you will determine you can't do anything about, so you do not concern yourself with it any more. Choose to leave out the doom and gloom thoughts, the "I can't" thoughts that are not part of the original concerns - they are your reaction to those thoughts.

Just because you are concerned with how you look, dies not mean you should stop from doing it. Just because you are wondering if you are prepared or not does not mean to turn and run. Just because you have not done this before does not mean you can't. You interpretation and reaction to the logical progression of thought leading up to your planned action is what causes you to freeze up. But even when you allow the feeling of fear to well up over these thoughts, still does not mean you must behave in a certain way. You can proceed with the fear, don't interpret the fear feelings as a stop sign. Just acknowledge those feelings and move on. Accept them, realize how they come about and let them be. Fear thoughts and feelings in themselves can't do anything, only when you choose to react in specific ways do they. Choose not to react to them in ways that have you suffering and keep you from what you want.

It's your life, live it your way. Every day is a good day for personal growth and development.

John Halderman wants you to live the life you desire, finally get information, tools, methods and tips for daily change and improvement. For newsletter and 45 page report, http://www.designalifesystem.com and see how personal growth is a daily activity

Accept Yourself First!

Self-improvement is great if it's done in a spirit of fun and creativity; however, if we are always feeling that we aren't good enough as we are, we will never be satisfied by any of the changes we make.  The first step in creating the life of our dreams is to arrive at a place of true self acceptance.  That doesn't mean that there aren't things we would like to change. It does mean that our happiness with ourselves does not depend on these changes.  If we do not love ourselves unconditionally, it will be difficult for others to do so. 

The poet David Whyte speaks to the necessity of taking exquisitely good care of ourselves: "If you do not give to yourself, you will always hold others at emotional gunpoint."  

When we place ourselves last on our own lists, we can end up feeling resentful and looking to others to fill us up.  When they can't or won't, we might point to our own unworthiness as the cause or blame them for being insensitive!  This ends up being a no-win situation.  

To begin the process of accepting ourselves, we might want to consider these questions.

1.  What do I need to start accepting about my body, my personality, my talents, my perceived weaknesses?  (For instance, I do not have an athletic cell in my whole body; and I'm perfectly fine with that - although if I were to suddenly turn into an olympic champion that would be just fine with me!)

2.  What self-talk do I need to change to start this process?

3.  How have I adopted the judgments of others as my own?

4.  Do I really believe there is some absolute truth to these judgments?

5.  What do I want to believe about myself?

6.  What benefits do I receive from being my own worst critic?

7.  What do I want others to do for me emotionally that I am not willing to do for myself?

8.  Am I willing to commit to accepting myself unconditionally as I am, while recognizing there are areas I'd like to change?

Copyright 2008 by Holly Cox, L.C.P.C., C.D.C.

Declutter Your Life!

I'll admit it. Clutter is my nemesis. I always start out with good intentions, and I can even do a thorough job of cleaning up my environment when I must. All too soon, however, I find myself drowning in a sea of "stuff" or working my way through the thousands of emails that cross my path. Envious of others who are not so organizationally challenged, I resolve to be just like them; but that's easier said than done.

So what gets in my way? Well, I'm usually multi-tasking and often do things at hyperspeed, so it's easy to fail to pay attention to the things I'm doing from moment to moment. I also tend to become overfocused on the task at hand and don't want to start something unless I can finish it.

Through the years, I've found certain techniques that work better than others when facing my "clutter" demons. You might find these helpful as well.

1. Choose one type of clutter per month to focus on. If you decide to tackle the drawers in your home and/or office, intend to organize one drawer per day while leaving weekends free. By the end of the month, you will have streamlined 20 of them without feeling a bit overwhelmed.
2. Commit to throwing out five pieces of paper per day. This can include envelopes, receipts, kleenex, etc.
3. Pay attention to what you are doing - while you are doing it. This is key!
4. Deal with your emails as you read them - file them, forward them, respond to them, or delete them.
5. Vow to use up all your shampoo/shower gel/soap, etc. before buying more. This is one I need to follow since, left to my own devices, I tend to have a number of partially-used bottles filling up my bathroom cabinets.
6. Once a week set a timer for fifteen minutes, play your favorite music, and pick up as much clutter as you can during this time period. When the timer goes off, stop and give yourself some much needed relaxation!

Copyright © 2008 by Holly Cox, L.C.P.C., C.D.C.®

Coming Up Empty!

I'm sitting here at my computer, racking my brain over a topic for this blog post. It seems like the harder I try to think of something, the more illusive that something becomes. Feeling stuck, the anxiety starts to set in; and then I remind myself to breathe! After two deep inhalations, I feel a shift within - and I realize that this process is a metaphor for our lives.

We women all too often pressure ourselves on a consistent basis to perform, accomplish, maintain, lead, engage, plan, satisfy, and so on. Some of us begin to feel a sense of paralysis take over as we walk around in a semi-conscious state, feeling totally inadequate in relationship to the tasks at hand. We forget to take care of ourselves in the process.

The very act of breathing deeply has the power to slow us down, replenish our spirits, and allow us time to gain some perspective on our situation. We might even decide to give ourselves a much-deserved break.

I think I'll take one myself!

Copyright © 2008 by Holly Cox, L.C.P.C. C.D.C. ®

Dream-Come-True Life - Ten Things You Must Do to Create the Life of Your Dreams!

Creating a dream-come-true life might sound like a fairy tale; however, it is possible if you go about it in the right way. It takes patience, determination, courage, and an extreme desire to succeed. If you really want to make life-altering changes, there are ten things you must do. Follow these suggestions, and you'll be well on your way to a total transformation.

1. Make yourself a priority in your own life.

If you aren't the star of your own life, then who is? Putting your needs on the backburner while you take care of everyone else is a surefire way to burn out fast. You can't transform your life if you don't make time for yourself, and you won't make time for yourself if you come last on your list. Decide now to treat yourself as well as, if not better than, you do others. Transformation takes time, effort, and the belief that you are worth it!

2. Schedule weekly appointments with yourself.

Creating a dream-come-true life requires your time and attention. The only way to truly make time for yourself is to schedule it into your calendar. If you have time blocked out for yourself on paper, you can tell others that you have an appointment. They don't need to know who that appointment is with, unless you want to tell them. This will free you to place your attention on what really matters to you for a designated time each week.

3. Live with intention.

You will either direct the course of your life, or it will direct you. Living with intention requires you to consciously choose the path you take each day. It can be as simple as planning your day before you get out of bed, or as complicated as writing out to-do lists to organize your life. The mere act of setting an intention improves your chance of success. You can intend to enjoy your day, eat in a healthy manner, relax, meditate, play, or accomplish something. With intention, you set the tone as to how you want to live your life.

4. Eliminate the "stuff" that drains your energy.

This includes the things, people, and situations that clutter up your life, zap your enthusiasm, and generally take up a great degree of your attention. Start by making a list of these energy drainers, and then decide to cross them off your list a little bit at a time. As you de-clutter your life, be sure to take time to celebrate!

5. Get really clear about what you want your new life to look like.

Take some time to journal about the areas of your life you want to transform. Cut out pictures from magazines, and paste them in a scrapbook. Paint a word picture for yourself until the changes feel like they are happening in the present moment. Flesh out your dreams with as many details as possible. In your dream-come-true life, where will you be living? What will you look like? Who will you be spending time with? How will you spend your time? Will you travel? If so, where will you go? You get the idea.

6. Spend time pursuing your passions.

Since you don't know how much time you have on this earth, it's important to pursue your passions. What makes you feel truly alive? Maybe you love dancing, or reading, or learning. Find ways to fill your days and weeks with opportunities to explore as many areas of interest as possible. Plan to fill your transformed life with an abundance of the things you love.

7. Take charge of your thinking.

You don't have to believe everything you think. Recognize that thoughts lie, and know that you are the author of your own story. If the current chapter doesn't work for you, begin to take it out into the light of day and question it. Could there be another, equally valid, story about the events in your life? Might someone else's story have merit? Were you born with your beliefs? If not, how did you learn them?

8. Become aware of the lessons you are teaching others.

You teach others what to expect from you by the things you tolerate. If you are not happy with the reactions you get from people in your life, decide to start teaching some new lessons. Set boundaries, and stick to them. Say no when you feel like saying no. Be true to yourself, and eventually others will learn to respect your wants and needs.

9. Create a "lesson plan" for changing your life and follow it, one step at a time.

The best way to get to any desired destination is to follow a road map. Creating a "lesson plan" for your transformation gives you a path to follow. You can design a weekly, monthly, and yearly plan outlining the action steps required for your journey. Once you have your plan in writing, intend to do something specific each day that will head you in the right direction. As you develop new habits, you will incorporate them into your life with ease.

10. Enjoy the journey.

Practice being mindfully present in each moment of your life. Stop and really see the beautiful things in front of your eyes. Smell the exquisite scents that come your way. Savor the flavor and texture of the food you put in your mouth. Notice the bodily sensations involved in moving on this earth. Take a nap. Get a massage. Write a letter to a friend. Bask in the sun. The world is yours to enjoy!

Copyright © 2008 by Holly Cox, L.C.P.C. C.D.C. ®

TAKE YOUR INNER CHILD OUT TO PLAY!

When you were little, you probably played with joyful abandonment! Your imagination soared as you transformed yourself on a regular basis. One day you were a princess. The next day might have found you playing cops and robbers. Instead of obsessing over your next meal, you toyed with your food and couldn't wait to finish eating so the fun could begin again. Never once did you doubt that your dreams would come true. The sky was the limit, and you were the star of your own show.

How quickly things changed! You became all too serious and self-conscious as you worried about looking foolish, being inconvenienced, embarrassing yourself, displeasing others, and being judged. Romping in the rain turned from a joyful experience to something that would make a mess, get you sick, and require you to do your hair all over again. Exercise changed from playing tag, taking dance lessons, or climbing hills to running on treadmills at the gym and keeping up in aerobics class, which you enjoy more if your body looks cute in spandex.

Whether it was making a fort out of sheets, blankets, and pieces of cardboard or changing Barbie's clothes to suit the occasion, your imagination knew no limits, and you entertained yourself for hours. You didn't feel guilty for "wasting" your time.

Are you feeling a bit of nostalgia? Well, it's about time you listen to your inner child. "Grown-up" doesn't have to mean lifeless. How do you reconnect with that imp inside of you who wants to have fun?

Follow these tips, and you'll be well on your way:

Make a list of playful things you'd love to do - dance, take a walk, read a book, watch a cartoon, ride a horse, learn a language, draw, paint, color, cook, listen to music, flirt - play can mean different things to different people.

Schedule time for fun into your calendar.

Make a decision to have one new experience each week.

Spend time with young children.

Ditch the self-consciousness - it no longer serves you!

Limit the amount of time you spend around gloom and doom- in the form of the news, television, other people, or your own thoughts.

Have fun and celebrate your life! It's the only one you have!

If you're ready to start transforming NOW, visit http://www.mypersonaltransformation.com and find support in creating a belief system that will assist you in making your dreams come true. Don't forget to sign up for your free e-book and check out the Pamper Me page. You will be glad you did. 

Copyright © 2008 by Holly Cox, L.C. P.C., C.D.C.®

Ten Pampering Indulgences

If you want to make yourself a priority in your own life, you need to learn to pamper yourself. At least once a week, treat yourself to a relaxing bubble bath, a massage, candlelight, soft music, a manicure, pedicure, or whatever takes your fancy. The following ten products are sure to put a smile on your face and give you a sense of renewal to approach the next day with enthusiasm and vitality.

1. Pink Ladies Gift Set by LUSH COSMETICS

Toss a bath bomb in the tub, watch it fizz, and then sit back, relax, and enjoy!


2. Ocean Salt Cleanser by LUSH COSMETICS

This smells terrific, and makes your skin feel like satin!


3. Gensen No Tanoshimi Hot Springs Bath Salts Assortment

You’ll feel like you’re bathing in Japanese Hot Springs!


4. Silk Shake Sugar Cookie Bubbling Milk Bath by Bidwell Botanicals

It’s as yummy as it sounds!


5. Molton Brown Inspiring Wild Indigo Bath and Shower

Anything from Molton Brown will make you feel like a pampered princess!


6. Spa Sister Ultra Moisturizing Lavender Foot Butter with Olive Oil & Shea Butter

You’re feet are saying “YES” already!


7. Bliss Super-Spaah Set

You’ll feel the bliss as soon as you try it.


8. Spa Magazine

Inspire yourself with a little light reading.


9. Serendipity 3 Frrrozen Hot Chocolate Gift Box

For the chocolate lover in you!


10. Spa Sister Overnight Foot Saver Kit 3 Piece Set

Wake up to baby soft feet!

Try all of these and more by visiting Pampering Indulgences. Be sure to check out all the pages of pampering products!

Copyright © 2008 by Holly Cox, L.C. P.C., C.D.C.®

For the Diva In You!

11 Tips To Put The Spring Back In Your Step
By Maureen O'Crean

When we feel down about ourselves it is because we are stuck on a negative or fearful thought. By shifting your focus, you shift the energy and start to remember the marvelous woman that you are. It’s physics! Here are 11 easy ways to feel good again.

1. Be embarrassingly scandalous in your choice of lingerie, just for you. Remember Mammy in Gone With The Wind? When she wore that red petticoat, she had a blush on her face and a swish in her walk. Red lingerie has its own magic.

2. Create an alter ego. Even superheroes don’t feel great all the time and they have to show up when called. So do you. On those days when you get to close to the kryptonite, pull out your superwoman outfit. Make yourself take a shower, do your hair and nails, dress up. You’ll feel instantly better.

3. Cover your roots! There is a hair coloring crayon at beauty supply stores that will disguise your roots between trips to the salon. One good one is by Roux ‘Tween Time” Instant Haircolor touch-up stick. No one will ever know your secret.

4. Plug your power leaks. Take the phone off the hook and give yourself 20 minutes to recharge. Read a trashy novel and fantasize about what you would do as the heroine. Keep an emergency basket ready with works that inspire you, tapes and music that are an instant hit with you. Even the golden oldies if it gets your feet moving.

5. Compliment Yourself. While none of us are good at everything, we are all good at something. Praise yourself for the best feature you have and pay attention. Do you have beautiful hands or feet? Polish your nails and show them off. Luscious Locks try a new hairstyle or put on a fake ponytail. Focus on something you do love about yourself.

6. Call in the emergency team. The sense of smell can shift your mood instantly. The smell of cinnamon rolls makes you instantly happy. Keep some instant apple cider mix and cinnamon sticks handy. Keep on the stove on a slow simmer if your don’t want the calories of the roles themselves.

7. Share Yourself. When life’s issues bog us down it’s a sign that we are too inwardly focused. Shift your attention to someone who needs your help. By giving of yourself to someone in need, you see your true beauty clearly.

8. Boost your serotonin level. Sometimes chocolate is just chocolate and a little bit does a whole lot of good. If you are prone to binges, look for a healthier alternative. There is a reason starchy foods are called comfort foods and your grandmother’s recipe for fried chicken and mashed potatoes can help in an emergency. Don’t overdo or you’ll feel guilty.

9. Surprise yourself. Send yourself flowers online or buy a gift at a store and have it sent to you with a time delay. You’ll forget about it and get 2 hits for the price of one. It will be fun when you place the order and fun when you get it.

10. Have a pity party. Set an egg timer for 3 minutes and whine away about everything bothering you. Exaggerate your emotions in front of a mirror and get the drama in it all. Give it up and Laugh, long and deep.

11. Tantalize your senses. Change your look. Try something exotic and play dress up with false eyelashes, dark eyes and flowing scarves. Do a striptease in your bedroom for yourself. Only music, cover the mirrors and feel your power as a woman surge forth.

Most of all, remember to have fun!

Maureen O'Crean is the Founder and Publisher of DistinctivelyDiva.com an online community of women-for-women. Co-author of the fun and spirited book, I Am Diva, Every Woman's Guide To Outrageous Living, Maureen encourages women to LOVE the life they are living and to remember to have fun in the process. Contact Maureen through http://www.distinctivelydiva.com

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Just Got Back From Kentucky!

It's been awhile since I last posted. My 90-year-old mother was rushed to the hospital last week with kidney stones and a high fever. Her condition was serious, and she needed a quick operation to have a stent put in. She also developed an infection in her blood and ended up in kidney failure as well. However, that didn't stop my mother. She was extremely anxious to visit her grandson in Kentucky over the weekend, and she kept telling everyone she had to be out of the hospital by then. (It's almost the end of my son Sean's internship at Aegon Insurance in Louisville, so she wanted to get there again before he heads back to Butler University for his senior year.) Her body worked hard to get better (with the help of two blood transfusions and some serious antibiotics), and she convinced the doctors she was ready to go. We had a great time just relaxing, visiting, and dining. We even had a chance to try the slot machines at the casino, although we didn't win anything.

Watching my mother's determination, in the face of kidney failure, terrible knees, post-shingle neuralgia from last October, a pacemaker, rheumatoid arthritis, anemia, and numerous blood transfusions during the past year, inspired me and provided a reminder of how easily many of us give up in the face of hardships, challenges, and disappointments.

If we really want to achieve something, we need to pursue it with the same singlemindedness displayed by my mother. If we decide that no obstacle is big enough to deter us from our goal, we are more likely to go after it with absolute confidence in the end result. Like her, we won't stop until we get to our desired destination!

Check out the pictures of our trip on the right side of this blog!