Accept Yourself First!

Self-improvement is great if it's done in a spirit of fun and creativity; however, if we are always feeling that we aren't good enough as we are, we will never be satisfied by any of the changes we make.  The first step in creating the life of our dreams is to arrive at a place of true self acceptance.  That doesn't mean that there aren't things we would like to change. It does mean that our happiness with ourselves does not depend on these changes.  If we do not love ourselves unconditionally, it will be difficult for others to do so. 

The poet David Whyte speaks to the necessity of taking exquisitely good care of ourselves: "If you do not give to yourself, you will always hold others at emotional gunpoint."  

When we place ourselves last on our own lists, we can end up feeling resentful and looking to others to fill us up.  When they can't or won't, we might point to our own unworthiness as the cause or blame them for being insensitive!  This ends up being a no-win situation.  

To begin the process of accepting ourselves, we might want to consider these questions.

1.  What do I need to start accepting about my body, my personality, my talents, my perceived weaknesses?  (For instance, I do not have an athletic cell in my whole body; and I'm perfectly fine with that - although if I were to suddenly turn into an olympic champion that would be just fine with me!)

2.  What self-talk do I need to change to start this process?

3.  How have I adopted the judgments of others as my own?

4.  Do I really believe there is some absolute truth to these judgments?

5.  What do I want to believe about myself?

6.  What benefits do I receive from being my own worst critic?

7.  What do I want others to do for me emotionally that I am not willing to do for myself?

8.  Am I willing to commit to accepting myself unconditionally as I am, while recognizing there are areas I'd like to change?

Copyright 2008 by Holly Cox, L.C.P.C., C.D.C.

Declutter Your Life!

I'll admit it. Clutter is my nemesis. I always start out with good intentions, and I can even do a thorough job of cleaning up my environment when I must. All too soon, however, I find myself drowning in a sea of "stuff" or working my way through the thousands of emails that cross my path. Envious of others who are not so organizationally challenged, I resolve to be just like them; but that's easier said than done.

So what gets in my way? Well, I'm usually multi-tasking and often do things at hyperspeed, so it's easy to fail to pay attention to the things I'm doing from moment to moment. I also tend to become overfocused on the task at hand and don't want to start something unless I can finish it.

Through the years, I've found certain techniques that work better than others when facing my "clutter" demons. You might find these helpful as well.

1. Choose one type of clutter per month to focus on. If you decide to tackle the drawers in your home and/or office, intend to organize one drawer per day while leaving weekends free. By the end of the month, you will have streamlined 20 of them without feeling a bit overwhelmed.
2. Commit to throwing out five pieces of paper per day. This can include envelopes, receipts, kleenex, etc.
3. Pay attention to what you are doing - while you are doing it. This is key!
4. Deal with your emails as you read them - file them, forward them, respond to them, or delete them.
5. Vow to use up all your shampoo/shower gel/soap, etc. before buying more. This is one I need to follow since, left to my own devices, I tend to have a number of partially-used bottles filling up my bathroom cabinets.
6. Once a week set a timer for fifteen minutes, play your favorite music, and pick up as much clutter as you can during this time period. When the timer goes off, stop and give yourself some much needed relaxation!

Copyright © 2008 by Holly Cox, L.C.P.C., C.D.C.®

Coming Up Empty!

I'm sitting here at my computer, racking my brain over a topic for this blog post. It seems like the harder I try to think of something, the more illusive that something becomes. Feeling stuck, the anxiety starts to set in; and then I remind myself to breathe! After two deep inhalations, I feel a shift within - and I realize that this process is a metaphor for our lives.

We women all too often pressure ourselves on a consistent basis to perform, accomplish, maintain, lead, engage, plan, satisfy, and so on. Some of us begin to feel a sense of paralysis take over as we walk around in a semi-conscious state, feeling totally inadequate in relationship to the tasks at hand. We forget to take care of ourselves in the process.

The very act of breathing deeply has the power to slow us down, replenish our spirits, and allow us time to gain some perspective on our situation. We might even decide to give ourselves a much-deserved break.

I think I'll take one myself!

Copyright © 2008 by Holly Cox, L.C.P.C. C.D.C. ®